Mired in Mortification
by Stonecreek
Summary: Lars is stuck on Homeworld, a situation he's finding terminally boring. All that consoles him are his thoughts of Earth and those he left behind. So, what's a typical teen to do when given ample alone time and he only has his fantasies to keep himself occupied? Pink zombie or not, Lars is taking that opportunity. Too bad he forgot he's got a wormhole in his hair to worry about...


**A.N. –** Here's the first of the fics I'm posting for my 15th anniversary of joining this site. The actual date is tomorrow, but I plan on putting up a fair few fics over the course of the coming week.

As for the fic itself, Lars was one of my least favorite characters before his transformation. Now, he's full of so much potential. This is set in some nebulous time shortly after Steven goes back to Earth. Also, I'm not thrilled with the title. 

**Mired in Mortification**

The fact that Steve's seen him nude before is the only thing keeping Lars from a complete meltdown. Well, that and a sense of self-preservation. If he were to scream, who knows who'd show up? Lars's skin, a warm ochre back then, was now even pinker than it had been after the application of Steven's healing tears. The dark splotches staining his cheeks (and upper chest…and even lower) were certainly not only a product of his new zombie-like existence.

Really, it had been so easy to find private time whilst on the lam with the off-colors. The vast expanse of the Kindergarten beneath Homeworld's urban surface left many unoccupied exit holes to shelter in. There, Lars would curl up to be alone with his thoughts. He desperately needed time to decompress from all that had happened, and the gems were perfectly fine with giving him that time. Despite their quick camaraderie, there was still an awkwardness in interactions on both sides. The off-colors tried to be understanding about Lars' situation, but they had neither frame of reference nor scope to filter the facts through. Homeworld was all they had known, and until the last week, Beach City was all Lars was familiar with.

Was it his fault he'd forgotten about his newest, oddest ability when Steven had popped in unannounced? No! Hair portals were too strange to be forgotten, yet Lars had, in part because he had to excuse to utilize them since Steven made his escape. He couldn't feel hunger, or exhaustion, or even much of a sense of pain since he'd been resurrected. However, Lars keenly felt the sting of loneliness in his barely-beating heart with every moment he spent away from home.

Sadie, unbidden, sprang to the forefront of his mind with startling regularity. At first, it served as a reminder to what he had lost, so Lars ruthlessly crushed down on the reminiscing. Then, as time wore on, and the daydreams of Earth showed no signs of stopping, Lars stopped fighting. Lounged in a person-sized cave inside of a cavern underneath a planet-wide megalopolis, he let the mental visions sweep him away. And, if Sadie was starring in his dreams, he had the solution. Being the (undead) teen he was, Lars took the situation (and himself) in hand.

And thus Steven had found him. The half-human, half-gem gawked at the sight before him, his face quickly growing as pink as the gem at his navel. The hole was small enough that there was barely room for the two of them inside, so when both made to turn around at the same time, they only ended up getting tangled together. Lars didn't know what Steven was thinking, but he was sure wishing he could just buckle up his pants already. Blindly kicking out, Lars managed to roll Steven out of the hole, and took the opportunity to put himself to rights.

Steven's unceremonious exit had drawn the attention of one of the off-colors. As Lars poked his head out to assess the situation, he saw the Rutile twins conversing with Steven.

"What is it?" "What is wrong?"

Steven had no answer ready that the gem would even remotely understand, not that he was much clearer on what had transpired. He looked upward at the tousled head of pink hair protruding from the soil, begging silently for an intervention. Sighing, Lars leapt lightly down to join the group.

"My friends, Steven has come to visit us again! How wonderful!"

Padparadscha's interjection into the stilted conversation made things no less weird. Rolling his eyes, Lars went with it.

"Yeah, Steven's here. Great." His sarcasm had not dampened like his other senses. Steven looked slightly cross as the tone Lars took, but still he smiled.

"It is great!" Steven nearly shouted this, as if trying to prove to Lars that it was really true. "Now, I didn't bring any gifts, but I just wanted to check up on all of you."

The Rutile twins smiled and nodded, and so did Padparadscha as the stony silence grew after Steven's pronouncement. Seeing no one else willing to bear the burden of conversation, Lars spoke up.

"Woo-hoo, you did your duty." It was obvious Lars still hadn't calmed down from earlier, and Steven decided to press the point.

"Lars, you're being mean. I'm sorry for butting in, but I thought you'd be happy to see me. Don't you miss…"

Lars bodily grabbed Steven and chucked him back in the hole, to twin calls of "Oh my!" "Steven!" from the Rutiles. Lars leapt in after him.

"Not another word! You have no idea, do you, of the concept of personal space?" Lars was tinged almost red in his anger. Steven's answer didn't help.

"Well, my bedroom doesn't have a door or walls, so…not really?" The fact that Steven looked adorably confused as he said this just made Lars groan and slap his palm to his forehead.

"Look, Steven, I appreciate the sentiment, but you couldn't have picked a worse time to show up. And, before you go asking why," and he could easily see Steven wanted to ask just that, "I don't have to explain myself to you." Steven looked put out, and Lars grumbled to himself, "Nor do I ever want to even entertain the possibility of having to give you The Talk."

"The Talk?" "Aren't you talking now?"

The twin heads bobbed at the entrance to the exit hole, and Steven had obviously heard him, too. Lars just wished he were dead and buried, rather than semi-buried and quasi-living. Anything to save him from the impending embarrassment. He, unfortunately, had their undivided attention, and Paddy had floated up to belatedly see what the fuss was about. Well, as long as he had an audience, Lars thought, might as well make the most of it. Grinning devilishly, he turned to Steven.

"So, how far have you and Connie got, huh?"

The sputtering mess that Steven turned into was almost worth the mortifying intrusion earlier. Almost. Only after the fact did Lars realize that his pithy comment was likely to draw more questions than his previous mutterings. Resigned, he burrowed deeper in the hole, lesson learned. Even in a massive cave system with only a few companions for company, there was no such thing as alone time. Not when Steven was on the case.


End file.
